A list of what you can and can't do with me
Constraints are not only harmful.
But there are also helpful ones.
These are the constraints that we create for ourselves.
They are necessary to get what we want effectively.
Examples of useful restrictions:
- A list of standards allows you to do the work with quality.
- A predetermined deadline allows work to be done on time.
- A predetermined budget protects against rash spending.
- A set of rules allows you to expect that they will be followed by others.
When I have predetermined constraints, I can make decisions without having to weigh all the factors every time.
In essence, decisions about timing, budget, and work requirements have already been made.
The question is not whether I want to revise them.
It’s how to stick to them, and whether it’s realistic to sustain them.
Revision is possible, but not desirable.
If deadlines are constantly being revised, what is the point of setting deadlines?
If there is a list of standards, it is much easier to see if those standards are being met.
Constraints can be beneficial in communication as well.
Make two lists:
- A list of actions and ways of communicating that I don’t find acceptable in my address.
- A list of what I want from communication. How I want it to happen. If what I described in the first list is not going to happen, then what I want it to be instead.
If the first list is what’s not OK for me, how I can’t be treated.
The second list is as important - it’s about how I want it to be.
If I just say, “Don’t cook me broccoli!” - and they make me cauliflower the next day, would I be happy?
Only in the one case - if I wanted cauliflower.
But what if I wanted scrambled eggs and bacon, then it would be much more effective to ask for that initially.
It’s not only about boundaries, it’s about understanding how I want to structure my interactions with people. And whether I’m succeeding in it.
When you have a clear picture of what you want, you have something to compare to.
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