Building rapport and empathy



Disturbing Situations

August 26, 2023

What to do about disturbing situations?
Something happened 3 days ago but it is still vaguely bothersome.
Or someone’s action makes me irritated whenever I remember it.
Or I get vague fear and confusion when I remember something minor.

What these situations have in common is that they cause emotional tension.
When you come in touch with them - emotions and reactions arise.

  1. Feelings can be distinct or repressed.
  2. Reactions can be conscious or impulsive.
    It may be an attempt to solve a problem or an attempt to distract oneself.

Disturbing situations are a pointer to what is missing.
They indicate hidden needs.

I don’t know what I want yet, but I can already feel the tension.
The tension between what I want and what I have.

Feelings signal unmet needs.
Actions allow those needs to be met.
If the need is not clear, the action will be ineffective and will be more likely to move away from what is desired.
If the action is effective, the need is met and the situation is no longer bothersome.

An effective way to deal with these situations
is to realize what I want:
What do I don’t have in this situation that I’m worried about?
And what, if there were, would I be fully satisfied with?

There may be more than one hidden need,
but understanding each of them gives a sense of excitement and clarity.

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